As humans ourselves, we are often a bit prejudiced about how important we are. We at Strange BUT Untrue wondered if it is possible we too could be here just to brighten the place up a bit, so we asked several other members of the animal kingdom what they thought. Having interviewed several species at the local zoo we obtained the evidence that they all completely ignored us - which seems to suggest that they regard us as no more than scenery. Therefore, it seems to be reasonable to conclude that we are just here as decoration, just like plants. Feel free at this point to realise the futility of creation and kill yourself, although you will technically be destroying a work of art and so may be arrested afterwards.
Human biology is rather more complex than plant biology, in that it consists of many organs and organ systems. These are discussed below:
Many so-called Squidgicists insist that just because the head
contains a large network of neurons called the brain, this is where
all thought processes go on. This is obviously just an attempt to
explain the fact that we seem to see things from a position just
behind our eyes.
We suggest the theory that in fact the thinking system is stored in the fingers and toes. The evidence for this is... well, give us a little while longer and we'll think of something. The brain is in fact a large ball of wool, further evidence that men evolved not from apes, but from sheep.
This is mainly made up of the mouth and the Food-bag-thing, an organ which lies in front of the heart (because of the obviously true saying "The way to a man's heart is through his Food-bag-thing". We have yet to determine the way to a woman's heart, unfortunately for us.) The function of the Food-bag-thing is to turn all the food you eat in to huge amounts of fat which is deposited in all the least suitable places on the body. In this way the Doing Lunch System fulfills its main function of lowering your self-esteem.
We only really included this one because all the other systems don't actually account for the fact that people are alive (or at least they appear to be). This system seems to include the group of organs labelled 'Disgusting yet pointless' which we can't be bothered to name individually.
Blood is for the purpose of special effects - it is entirely possible to live without blood, as any android you care to meet will tell you. But blood is extremely useful for getting people's sympathy as at the slightest sight of it most people will suddenly be willing to go out of their way for you. Some will just be willing to get out of the way of you, of course, but you probably didn't want their help anyway.
We actually can't mention this, and so we'll leave it to your imagination. Enjoy.
Squidgy Things Page