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Strange BUT Untrue

Phamous phigures in Phydlstics

Say what you like about Phydlstics (please do!), but it has produced some famous people over the years. This is generally because the mad Pharmacists get covered up by the government, and the Squidgicists are prone to experiment on any reporters that come near them. But Phydlsticists often get to become famous, because they spend less time doing actual work. Here are a few of them, along with summaries of what little they actually did get done:

Galileo Galilei

Galileo was born in the 16th century. Names were hard to come by in those days, so he was forced to use two of the same one. Science was also very hard to come by and so he was forced to invent simple things like the thermometer. He also studied pendulums and so was the first person to discover hypnosis.
In the process of using his telescope, he made large advances in the field of astronomy and was later abducted by aliens for this reason. Every major figure of astronomy since has eventually been abducted, apart from Patrick Moore who plays the xylophone very loudly at Martian invaders until they go away.

Isaac Newton

Newton, being born in the next century, was able to acquire two distinct names. He wasted a lot of his time chasing rainbows which he claimed to be able to make using white light and a triangular bit of glass. No evidence of this (such as the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow) was ever forthcoming. Newton also used Phydlstics as an excuse to pick and eat loads of apples from people's orchards. He claimed that they just "fell from the tree" and then invented a whole new theory called 'Gravitation' purely as an excuse to get him out of trouble.

Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein decided that both Galileo and Newton were wrong in their theories of how things moved around - and he started work on a new theory. However, while he was trying to do this he got sidetracked and ended up inventing the "Theory of Relativity", or "How to ignore your relatives completely by thinking very hard about deep questions of space and time". Eventually he did make the small discovery that space is all bent and wobbly - but this fact was already well-known by most illegal drug users.

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